I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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