Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
