I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
