Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
