Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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