His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
