Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
