Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
