i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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