Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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