I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
