I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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