I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
