I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
