i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
