after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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