Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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