OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
