you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
we're so committed to being not committed
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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