My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
