My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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