My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
