He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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