def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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