He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
