fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
