At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
