in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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