he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize