Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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