is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
