I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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