At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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