I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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