Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize