Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
