she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
