Where are you?
In a non slutty way
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They have beer where we have blood.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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