Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize