i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
