Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the day after is always just damage control
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize