Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is Oprah even human
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
