somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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