Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
