I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
