I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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