i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Boobs are out for the taking
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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