yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
sex in a hospital.. check
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
