I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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