I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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