He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
