Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
